Are you doing it for you?
Thursday a few weeks ago I had lunch with my bestie. She had taken the week off work for a much-needed staycation. Over lunch, she shared how she’d been doing a good bit of introspection during her week off and was inspired to take on a new project: starting a blog.
Now I’ve known this woman since 1997, and we share many common behaviors and preferences. We’ve vacationed together, shopped together, she’s had me over to her family’s holiday celebrations many times, and our birthdays are one day, ten years apart—she’s the 11th, I’m the 12th of August. (Yes, we’re both Leos, through and through). We’ve also been side-by-side as each of us has gone through loss, drama, crisis and change. I know I can count on her, and she knows she can count on me.
When she shared her idea to start a blog, I shouted, “Yes! It’s about time you did something for YOU!” I felt such enthusiasm and excitement for her in that moment, and still do. My mind immediately started racing around the ideas and fun she could have. I listened to her expand on what she was thinking around hair and beauty and products that really interested her. My heart was full for her to do something new and creative that was focused on things she loved and was really good at, and for her.
I did my best to inflate her enthusiasm and encourage her confidence. I told her that she was amazing with hair and skin care, but even more: interior decor, working out, crafts, she’s an amazing chef and great at finding deals on just about anything. Writing a blog would be such a fun and creative project and very fulfilling for her as a side hustle—and who knows, it could turn into a full time thing.
And then something interesting happened. She started a backward descent from the mountaintop.
“I’m not a good writer.”
“I don’t know what to focus on.”
“I’m not sure where to start.”
“Maybe I should promote someone else’s products.” (MLM/direct sales like Mary Kay etc.)
“I don’t like how I look in photos.”
“I don’t know what to call the blog.”
The resistance was front and center for her. The urgency to have it all figured out up front was real. The urge to be perfect was dominant. The fear of failure was running in the background. Anticipated negative judgment from others was palpable.
Now I share this experience not to spotlight her struggle, not at all. I’m using her as an example because of how common these thoughts are when we take on something new. When we venture out to do something for us. I’ve had these thoughts in the past and I’m sure you have too. This is what I have to say to me, to my friend, and to you:
WHO GIVES A SHIT! Do it anyway, and do it for you.
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Do your craft. Do you. Do what lights you up. Do what stimulates your creativity. Do what you see needs to be done in the world. Share your ideas. Share your personality, your wit, your wisdom. Tell your stories. Share your pain. Be curious. Try different things. Experiment. Discover for you what you like to do. Give yourself the time and space to do it. And don’t give a flying flipping f**k about what other people think or say.
This year I did just that. I decided I wanted my life to have more creativity and got back into oil painting. I decided that I wanted to pare back my business marketing and focus on the one thing that gave me the most joy (writing this PappyClub Journal). I decided to simplify and consolidate. I decided I just didn’t want to work so hard. Chase so much. Always try to improve, improve, improve. What for? If I’m not happy along the way, how is that a life?
As a result, unknowingly, my business picked up. I got a bunch of new, really great clients. Money started flowing more readily again. I felt no more angst about finding the right formula to solve my business ups and downs.
And that’s what I wish for my bestie and for YOU.
For you:
Check in with your thinking. Where in your life, or your business, are you making a backward descent from the mountaintop? Where are you letting your doubts, judgment or resistance talk you out of something you are excited about? Something that has the potential of bringing great joy and prosperity into your life? Check in and see what statements start flowing from your conscious mind. Make a list of all of the doubts, worries, fears and beliefs you have about yourself and the situation you are either currently dealing with or thinking about bringing into the world. Notice how you feel while you write those things down. Then, make a separate list of what is possible if you are successful. If you move forward with your big idea. If you have tremendous fun doing this new thing. If everything turned around and it all started flowing. What would that feel like? After you do, notice the difference when you let in the negative versus when you focus on the possibility. After you’ve validated your feelings, you now know what to do. Deliberately focus on the success potential and the fun of the work regardless of what it is and watch your energy start flowing and the universe will give you exactly what you wish for.
