Selling yourself versus being yourself

I’ll be the first to admit I am not comfortable “selling.” What I do enjoy is consulting, probing, relieving stress from a prospect who is struggling and frustrated, and offering clarity. I would call this being myself, because I am most naturally inclined to serve, relieve fear/pain and help.

That hasn’t always worked well for my business. Well, it has and it hasn’t. Let’s address each.

It has worked well…

When I am being myself, I’m funny, direct, a bit irreverent, and I call people out on their shit. When I dial in to my intuition while listening to someone complain about their business, their sales or their efforts to succeed, I can really surface the right thing to say, whether it’s to soothe, address a fear or flat out call them out. And I will do it without hesitation. That’s when I really allow myself to be me, show up, be there for them, and be of service to guide them to feeling better about their situation.

It hasn’t worked well…

When I’m trying to sell myself, I become disconnected from my intuition. I get more focused on the “close” and getting the prospect to invest. The quality of my listening diminishes. My biases toward their fit or financial capacity to invest takes center stage. (You know, going into the call thinking, “Oh, they don’t have the money for this project.” That is a thought bias that I generate and bring into the conversation.) And quite honestly, it doesn’t feel good. I feel like I’m not being me. Like I have to work so hard to prove my value, and that sucks.

No wonder I am not comfortable “selling.” Do you ever feel this way?

I remember way back when I was trying to improve my ability to bring on more clients and I signed up for Sandler Sales Training. One day when I was reviewing one of my sales conversations with the facilitator, Eric, he said, “You have to stop free consulting and use the Submarine.” (The Submarine was the Sandler model for moving a prospect through specific stages of a sales conversation that was meant to be a more effective process. I always resisted this model. Isn’t that interesting?)

I labeled myself with the crutch, “I’m a free consulter,” which was an excuse for why I wasn’t being as effective as I wanted to be on consult calls. It’s a story I built, substantiated and used to keep myself in a state of frustration.

What story are you using to fail at closing more business?

What I’m working through these days…

My latest attempt to solve my selling challenge is with Chris Kenney’s program, which I’ve mentioned in previous articles. It’s a good system, and yet I’m still resisting the model, just like I did when I was in Sandler. In a recent conversation with Chris regarding this mindset block, I shared that I was having a hard time delivering the model on sales calls. I was very reluctant and resistant to following what he was teaching.

He said, “Terry, pick one aspect of the system that you have the least resistance to and start integrating that one little part. Once it becomes more natural and comfortable to you, go and grab another part of the system and start integrating that.”

When he shared that coaching, I felt so much relief. I’d always been so hard on myself to integrate a system I was learning perfectly. That it wouldn’t “work” unless I did it exactly the way they taught it. But what I’ve learned is that these systems and models and frameworks have to be blended with US. They have to be married to how we operate, with all of our beliefs, conditioning, dysfunction and desire. That’s what truly makes it OUR system.

I am successful using a blended system. I am always trying to do better, make it easier for prospects to say yes—especially when I know in my heart I can help them. My goal as a business owner, creative, expert in communications and thought leader in personal branding, is to get out of my own way so I can help more people and do work I love to do.

Q: What’s stopping you?

I share my personal struggles, journey and breakthroughs because I know I’m not alone. These are struggles every solopreneur faces. My goal is in sharing that you, too, discover a better way of navigating your own challenges and break through to where you want to be in your business and in your own self-value. So my question to you, is, what is getting in the way of you being more effective prospecting for new clients? Share in the comments.🍀