The power of sending handwritten notes
I loved writing letters to my girlfriends back home in Pennsylvania when I was carted off to southwest Florida every winter by my dad. He insisted on snow-birding every year after he built his dream Florida home in 1975. I missed my friends, and they missed me. Writing letters was my favorite way to stay in touch and it became a passion.
One day I bought a box of yellow onion skin note paper with matching envelopes that I found buried on a bottom shelf at the local pharmacy. The stationery made delicate crinkle sounds each time I used a sheet or stuffed an envelope. The paper felt so special and it inspired me to write daily until I had to rush back to the store to buy more. And of course, I had to find the perfect pen to use on that micro thin onion skin paper. It was one of my favorite activities as a lonely fourteen-year-old.
When I was twelve, I remember getting a surprise letter from Kenny Sloane, a boy who kissed me at church camp one summer. We were there an entire week and I was so mad he waited until the last night to let me know he liked me. We were all hanging out by the fire, the smell of S’mores wafting in the night air with fire embers dancing skyward. He walked up behind me and started rubbing my shoulders. Between the shoulder rub and zoning out at the fire, time stopped for me. The counselor announced it was time to hit the tents for the night and Kenny walked me to the “girls tent” and kissed me goodnight. I was electrified as I slid into my funky sleeping bag on the plywood floor of the giant tent, and stared through a crack in the canvas and watched fireflies glow on and off until I fell into a deep slumber.
The following morning, we sat together on the rocks that lined the campground entrance holding hands as we waited for our parents to pick us up. I didn’t want to leave. I don’t think he did either. We exchanged addresses, as Kenny lived in New Jersey and I lived in Pennsylvania. We hugged goodbye, he kissed me again, and that was the last I ever saw him. He wrote me a total of three letters and I wrote back the same day I got each one. I was so disappointed when they stopped and for several weeks kept checking the mailbox for another letter from sweet Kenny, but those three cherished letters were all I got from him. Ah, young love.
Fast forward to “letter writing” today
Last year was the first year I didn’t mail Christmas cards. GASP. Very few birthday cards. But one thing I still do avidly is send personal notes of appreciation to clients and friends. Sending a hand-written note is an important part of deepening a relationship with anyone. I believe that when we do something that requires thought, emotion, expression, time and gesture, it’s well received. It’s not about the card, the paper, the stamp or what you said. It’s the entire experience from the inspiration to express in that form—that analog, three-dimensional, tactile form—to the experience of the recipient and how they shift as a result of receiving your gesture.
I had a beloved client, Kate, who I worked with for about seven years. I helped her with her consultancy’s branding, communications and business development. One of the strategies I recommended, which was backed by deep qualitative research I did for her, was communicating with peer CEOs and CMOs of healthcare organizations on as personal, intimate a level as possible. I recommended that she personally reach out to these contacts whenever she was in town (she traveled a good bit) to request a lunch or coffee. I also recommended that she write personal notes on high-end stationery (she loved one of my favorite brands, Crane) and to treat each person like a friend. To stay in touch. To reach out. To share news. To be a peer, a colleague and champion for improving healthcare.
Kate’s relationship-building behaviors dramatically changed her business results. She won more high profile contracts. She improved her brand perception. She established deeper trust with healthcare executives and throughout the industry. She strengthened her thought leadership in healthcare performance improvement. She was referred more often. Her consultancy became so appealing, she was eventually approached by a large consulting firm to lead their healthcare division. She did and has continued on a positive trajectory in her career since.
Kate’s example is not just about Kate sending hand-written notes. Kate’s story demonstrates a shift in her approach to relationships. She began thinking on a pure human and emotional level and prioritized relationships over revenue. It’s not about performance, looking good or manipulating someone’s emotions through high-touch marketing tactics. It’s about being real. Taking the time. Exposing your soft underbelly. Expressing how you truly feel about a topic your client or audience cares about.
It’s about being 1000% you.
So if you don’t feel like writing notes or going analog, how can you express more of yourself to those you want to help? How can you create deeper connections with your audience? Your clients? Your friends and family? How can you cease operating like a machine and flow more like a free spirit? What is really keeping you back from being more vulnerable and showing your true self?
For you:
Make a list of the ways you can close the gap between you and your clients and audience. How can you share more of who you are? What can you do to make their life easier? More fun? More rewarding? This is not work. This is fun. This is playful. This is about expression and communication and creating space for another human being to share. To feel safe. To feel appreciated. What would it mean to you if you were able to raise the quality of the communication and relationships you have with your client base? Your audience? How can you show up that is more intimate and inviting? How can you lighten the load of people in your world? What would give you the greatest joy?
I often hear fellow business owners say how they just want to help people. This is how you help people: you help others by helping yourself and giving yourself permission to be real, be a human and not a business robot going through the motions out to close the deal. If you’re great at what you do, start looking at how you do it and the wrapping paper (aka experience) your service comes in. Your marketing comes in. Your communications come in.
And yes. Send hand-written notes.
Here’s a P.S. Thank you to all of my clients who send me hand-written notes of appreciation and joy. YOU are the reason I love what I do and why I do it. ❤️❤️❤️
